This Life Uncharted

New Kids and the Nostalgia Moms Need

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Guest Blog by Kerri Glanville

I’m about 6 months into my 40th year now, and it certainly brings along with it some serious feelings and reflection. The reflection covers everything from major life decisions like my career path, home choice and the number of children I have, and it also covers lighter choices like clothing and hair styles, past experiences  and music choices.

There are so many feelings and questions that come along with your 40s. Did I make the right choices and am I happy with them? Will I still be happy with them in another 10 or 20 years? What if I want to change something? Can I or will it have an impact on my family? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. I guess that’s something that comes with being a mom who’s 40.

I think back to simpler times when I was younger. Times when I didn’t have so many demands on me. When I could focus on me and on the things I wanted. When choices I made didn’t carry so much weight for so many. When the only one who depended on me was me. When my body wasn’t stretch marked or squishy, and when I could wear things just because they looked good on me, not because they were practical! We all think back to these times and wish we could capture the feelings that come along with them once in a while. Well, ladies, there’s a place you can go where you can, for a brief shining moment, recapture so much of this. It’s a New Kids on the Block concert, and it’s pure MAGIC!!

My best friend Lauren and I have a strong bond that’s made even stronger by our mutual love for all things NKOTB, and we’ve made it a mission to see them as much as we can as long as they are touring. (If any New Kids are reading this, please don’t EVER stop!!) This past summer we had a night away to see them for their Mix Tape Tour.  It required months of planning and prepping, running to the bathroom during my Writing lesson to buy tickets, but it was totally worth the 24 hours of fun that accompanied it.

Sitting by the pool before the show, you could tell the place was full of moms. We are easily recognized by our Vera Bradley bags, our carefully applied SPF 50, and our 1:1 beer-to-water ratios. But I noticed more as I sat there. Women were genuinely happy. They were laughing and smiling. They were comfortable in their own skin. They were sharing stories about everything from labors to their favorite New Kid (lifelong Jordan girl here), and most of all, they were relaxed. You could see how so many of us felt like we could finally shed the stress we’re constantly under for just a bit and go back to a time when we were us. Not mom-us, but us. We could go in the pool and get out when we wanted to. We could eat a hot meal and not have to share our last French fry.

 I also noticed it was easy to navigate this New Kids mom group. Ladies were open and friendly, this was certainly a non-judgement zone. There was none of the so often seen, women-against-women stuff that we deal with. No stress about breastfeeding or bottles, language delays, how many sports to have the kids in, who’s working a lot and who’s staying home. Just ladies having some serious fun. It was refreshing to be a part of.

Later that night during the show, (which was AMAZING), the affect of the experience still kept going strong. We danced in our perfectly sparkly NKOTB gear, we laughed, we sang and we didn’t have to worry about anything other than making it to the bathroom, because, well, Mom bladders are a bitch!

This is not to say being a mom isn’t amazing and that we don’t want to be a part of it, but let’s face it, Mom-ing is hard and you need to be able to feel like yourself again once in a while. So do yourself a favor in your 40s, and get yourself and your fellow Blockheads to a show and have some serious fun!


Kerri Glanville is a mom of two boys and a teacher. Passionate about humanhood and a strong advocate of womanhood and motherhood, Kerri decided it was time for her to write and share her thoughts about these topics and start the conversation. 

Follow Kerri:
Instagram @kerriglanville
Twitter @joeyandnicksmom

The Art of Taking Space

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Life is demanding.  Most of us are juggling more metaphorical balls than we can really handle having in the air at once: full-time jobs, parenthood, making time for family, making time for friends, cooking, cleaning, the other miscellaneous tasks that are required to maintain a household…. those are just the basic items that require balance in life.  But maybe you also have other dependents to care for, like an ailing parent or other family member.  Maybe you are dealing with mental or physical illnesses yourself.  And on top of that, somehow we’re also supposed to eat healthy, exercise, and still find time for the hobbies we enjoy.  Sound familiar?

I constantly find myself asking, how?  How are we supposed to be able to do all of these things well and manage to be happy about all of it, too?  How are we to not feel stretched thin all the time? 

Well, the answer is, in my opinion, that there is no answer.  Perhaps there are the lucky individuals out there who are just able to handle it all with grace, but I’ve come to realize that I’m not one of them.  I feel like I used to be.  At one point in time, I was going to school full-time, had three part-time jobs at once, and had time to have fun.  It didn’t feel like I was about to drop a ball.  For whatever reason – whether it be a change in me or just the change in type of responsibilities I have now compared to then – I don’t feel like I’m doing such a great job at juggling it all.

No matter what, something has to give.  If I’m doing my job really well, I feel like I am failing as a mother.  If I’m momming to the best of my ability, I’m being neglectful of my work.  If I’m spending time with family, months pass without seeing friends.  If I’m making time for friends, I feel like a delinquent mother.  All too often it feels like there is no winning.

Sometimes, it just gets to be too much.

If you were so kindly following my blog last year, you’ll notice that I went dark in August.  It wasn’t because I lost interest in what I was trying to do with my writing.  I needed to step away because I was losing balance.  When you are trying to do too much at once, it’s inevitable that ultimately something is going to come crashing down.  It also made me realize that I needed to start doing something that had started to seem impossible: take space.

I know it’s common to hear: you need to have me-time.  You need to take time for yourself.  You don’t need to give up what you love to make way for other things you love.  However it’s phrased, this idea that you just need to make time for yourself is shoved constantly down our throats.  But is it that simple?

I don’t know about you, but I can make a lot of things.  Blankets.  Cookies.  A child.  But time?  Time is something that I simply can’t make or find enough of.  So I’m here to tell you that you can’t make time as they so make it seem.  But what you can do is take space.

What does that mean?  Also, not a single-answer question.

Taking space can come in a variety of forms.  At the time, for me, it was understanding that some things do have to give.  I had to step away from trying to build a profitable blog, but I didn’t stop writing.  I wrote for myself- to process how I was feeling, to start a new novel.  These are things that I may never share with anyone, things I may never publish.  I typed some of it, I wrote some of it by hand.  I didn’t abandon the thing that I loved, but I took space from an aspect of it. 

Sometimes taking space means not letting your job consume your life. I believe in doing whatever you do to the best of your ability, but not at the expense of your own well-being or if it requires sacrificing things like time with your family.  I can tell you that as a teacher, I could literally devote every waking moment of every day to my vocation, and it would still never be enough.  The demands are devouring.  I grew tired of getting so little time with my son during his waking hours.  Do I want to look back in ten years from now with regret, wishing that I had been able to spend more time soaking up his littleness?  Do I want my memories of him as a toddler to be full of me saying, “Wait a minute, Leo.  Mommy can’t hold you right now.  I’m busy working”?  Absolutely not.

The most important role that I feel that I am playing in this world is being a mother.  I only get one chance to be a mother to this child, a short 18-year period to hold him and teach him, to just sit back and be in awe of this beautiful person I’ve created.  And I’m not going to squander that.  I am going to do my job to the best of my ability during the amount of time I spend doing my job, and I am going to spend the rest of my time being the most important person to my son.  Because work will always exist, but that… that is short-lived.  And I don’t feel guilty in the least for taking that space.

On the flipside, because I feel like I get so little time with him, it feels wrong to spend any of that time anywhere but with him.  I tire of a lot of things easily, but being a mommy isn’t one of them.  If I’m awake and I can be at home with my son, it feels wrong not to be.

Time is so limited.  He is only going to be small for so long.  I miss him when I leave.

These thoughts run through my mind every time I make plans to do something else.  It has gotten especially difficult since he can now say, “Mommy, don’t leave!”  Albeit, it’s not every time I walk out the door, but it still tugs on my heartstrings.  And I don’t mean that just metaphorically.  When I’m away for a few hours, a night, two nights… I feel the literal pulling sensation in my chest, like there is a magnet in him and a magnet in me, and they’re trying desperately to draw together.

Taking space from being a mom isn’t easy, but it’s important too.  Some women feel like they lose their identity being a mother, but I feel the opposite.  I feel in so many ways like I found myself in being a mother, that I don’t always know how I can be something else.  But the connections we made with other people before that tiny being was born are important to nurture as well.  You have to make time for dinner with friends or date night with your significant other.  Because whether or not you realize it, sometimes you need the space from the tiny human.  Sometimes taking space for those relationships makes you a better mother.

Speaking of relationships… it’s important to take space for relationships, it’s also necessary for your well-being to take space from relationships.  I think that we can often feel obligated to be around people just because they are family or they are long-time friends.  But sometimes there are people close to us that we need to take space from.  There are people who may or may not mean well that take a toll on us, and we have the right to distance ourselves.  I don’t want to say the cliché, trendy thing that is being said far too much, but removing toxic (*cringe*) people isn’t wrong.  Others can read the separation the way they want to, but their judgment or assessment of the situation shouldn’t be a reflection of your happiness.  You don’t have to explain to anyone why you take that space.  It’s yours to take, with or without explanation.

We also need to take space either for or from certain activities.  Personally, I need to spend less time checking my phone unnecessarily.  While I am at work, I rarely look at my phone for obvious reasons.  When I’m home, I find myself picking it up out of habit, out of some subconscious notion that I could be missing something.  But when I catch myself scrolling social media and realize it’s without purpose, I remind myself of all I am missing out on: the world around me, in real time.  On the flipside, I can’t neglect my love of the written word.  I need to read like I need air.  When I’m happy, I read.  When I’m angry, I read.  When I’m feeling sad, I lose myself in another world in a book.  When I don’t have much time to read or I’m too tired,  I multi-task while I’m brushing my teeth.  A few pages is better than none!  I may not be able to quite find the time to do other things I love, like knitting or crocheting, and I’ve made peace with that.  But I will always take space for literature.

This is something that I’ve been working on and it’s probably something that I’ll always be working on, because none of the demands in my life will be going away anytime soon.  But I think that we need to stop feeling as though we need to be able to do it all.  Sometimes we can, and sometimes we can’t.  We are the most stressed out country in the world for a reason, and it’s time we start doing something about it.  So when you feel like you need to get away, like you wish you could go somewhere remote far from it all, don’t be afraid to create distance in other ways. Easier said than done, I know. All forms of art take practice and patience, but this is one masterpiece your physical, mental, and emotional health depends on.

What do you need to take space for or from?

Newport, Rhode Island

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When you have the travel bug, it’s hard to go long periods of time without going somewhere new.  But when you’ve got a one-year-old, it’s pretty difficult to go somewhere new.  Hey, I know people do it.  I know people who have traveled Europe with a six-month-old.  You know what that sounds like to me?  Torture.  Every kid is different, so maybe it’s a breeze with some.  But my child… not so much.  He doesn’t want to be in the car for longer than 15 minutes, and he is certainly not content in his stroller for hours on end.  He’s way too unpredictable for us to even fathom doing that, and if I’m going to get away, I want it to be relaxing.  And fun.  And stress-free.  And free of all the baggage that comes with going places with a small person.

With that being said, we also didn’t want to leave him for too long and we wanted to avoid spending an exorbitant amount of money.  That left us with places we could drive to, basically.  Now, my husband is not really a sit-on-the-beach-for-hours type guy.  He’ll do it.  But since we already had a beach vacation planned, we didn’t want to do something that only had the beach to offer.  We both enjoy going places that teach us about history and involve a little adventure.

My idea was to go to Washington, D.C.  Yes, I’ve made it into adulthood without ever having been.  I figured that there is so much to do in D.C, we would be able to pack our days full of activities.  And it was still a reasonable drive from home.  My husband wasn’t so crazy about that plan.  I will say that he was right in pointing out it would be way too hot to wander around the city; we would be better off going in the fall or spring.  Then, he suggested Newport, Rhode Island.  Again, yes, I’ve made it into adulthood without having gone somewhere that is only an hour away.

We decided that this was the best plan and booked it for our third anniversary/my thirtieth birthday.  It may just have been the best idea my husband ever had.  (We have to throw them a bone and give them a little credit sometimes, don’t we?)

The Stay

Newport has SO many choices for accommodations.  When I began looking, there was one quality that I knew we needed for sure: location, location, location.  If you’re getting away for a few night sans baby, you need to be able to drink and not worry about driving.  At first, I thought that we were probably safer staying in a large chain hotel because we would know what to expect.  I looked at the available Marriotts, and unfortunately they did not appear to be as close to downtown as we had hoped.  The only other larger-scale places were not quite in our price range.

I began to look at inns, which Newport has in abundance.  We’ve stayed in inns before and had really great luck, but I’m always slightly hesitant because you really never know what you are going to face when you get there.  Hotels skeeve me out a bit, so I read reviews for literally hours before we decided on one.  Aside from location, the inn had to have outstanding cleanliness and be modernized (hi, germophobe!).  It appeared that many inns had recently been purchased by the same buyer and were being completely renovated.  I then narrowed it down to three inns that were owned by this buyer.  One of them was literally brand new and set to open the week before we were going to stay, but I didn’t really want to chance being the guests that helped the new place get the kinks out.  Between the remaining two, we ultimately chose the one that was more central-downtown.

We stayed at The Pelham Street Inn and could not have been happier with our stay.  It had been completely renovated from top to bottom and decorated beautifully.  Downstairs there were common areas to eat and watch television and seven guest rooms upstairs.  There is a parking lot with one vehicle for each room; this is key because not all Newport inns provide off-street parking!  (And if you’re like me, utilizing on-street parking on already packed, narrow streets would be a NIGHTMARE!)  Say goodbye to old-fashioned keys or cards- you enter a code to get into the building and your room.  Now, if you have a poor memory or drink a little too much, this might be a problem, but I loved not having to worry about where the key was.

Our room had a king-size bed and HARDWOOD FLOORS!!!!  Why is this so exciting?  I typically will not walk on a carpet hotel barefoot.  I cringe to think of all that can be lurking in them.  (I told you I was a germophobe.)  Hardwood floors on the other hand are a lot easier to frequently clean and can’t hide the multitude of sins that an old carpet can.  There was a throw rug, yes, but it looked new and impeccably clean.  The private bathroom was beautifully done.  There were extra towels, a hairdryer, and other necessities in the vanity drawers.  There was a mini-fridge and Keurig in the room, as well as an ice bucket to chill your champagne.  (An ice machine and additional Keurig are available to all guests on the main floor!)  There was a small closet with a full-size ironing board and iron, which surprisingly – because I don’t typically iron – I did use.  (We stayed in room 6, by the way, if you’re interested!)

The room also had a sound machine provided, which is an odd, yet happy and necessary amenity.  At home we do sleep with a white noise machine, and when we go away I always have to keep a white noise app playing all night.  So, we were pleasantly surprised (sort of, I had read about it in the reviews) that they provided one.  But you might be leery about why they would provide a sound machine, as they are so atypical.  Did I mention that the inn was in heart of downtown?  It is located about two blocks from the nightclub, and yes, you can hear the bass from your room.  The first night, neither of us slept very well.  The pillows and bed were not my favorite, and someone was obnoxiously drunk and slamming a door.  The next two nights, we slept just fine.  Honestly, considering the location it was pretty quiet.  You should know, though, that you need to be able to make some sacrifices if you want to be in the thick of things.  If you’re a light sleeper, you might have some difficulty.

Don’t miss breakfast!

The last thing I should mention about the accommodations, and in my opinion the most important, was the customer service.  On arrival, we briefly met Alicia who checked us in and showed us to our room.  She was very friendly and helpful.  The next morning, we met the innkeeper, Kathy.  Truth be told, we slept in our first night there (mama and daddy don’t get to do that very often!) so we missed breakfast.  What a mistake that was!  Kathy cooks breakfast and let me tell you, YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT!  So delicious… and included in your stay!  Kathy is also a congenial host and makes you feel very welcome.  Good customer service can be difficult to come by, so that above all is the number one reason why we would return.




The Food

If you’re like us, you’re the typical couple who cannot decide where to go to eat.  Every night we spent some time combing through reviews to try to decide where to eat because there are so very many places to choose from.  Our first night there was our anniversary, so we decided on an Italian restaurant that had good reviews.  Sardella’s was good.  Not the best Italian I’ve ever had, but good.  It was off the main strip, but still very busy…and it helped us discover our lunch spot for the next day!  Nikolas’ Pizza was quiet when we lunched, but it had been very busy during dinner the night before.  The pizza was delicious and hit the spot after the adventure we had just embarked upon (read further for more info on that).  The second night we dined at The Black Pearl.  I’m not really a meat or seafood eater, but usually I can get by on salads, appetizers, or sides, and my husband really wanted seafood.  Again, good, not great.  The next lunch was at La Forge Casino Restaurant, which had a low-key atmosphere.  Our waitress was a riot and they had the best Caesar salad (I know, such a delicacy).  Our last dinner was at The Mooring, which was probably our favorite dinner choice.  We hadn’t made reservations, so we sat inside but it is located on the wharf so it has a great view.  Being a connoisseur, I will tell you that they have the most delicious and most generous portion of mashed potatoes when you order a side.

Like I said, there were SO many choices and when we go back, we would try all new places.  If you are a seafood eater, you’d probably be in heaven at these restaurants.  There are also plenty of bars and places to stop and get a sweet or an ice cream.  My advice, try to do your research ahead of time instead of when you’re already hungry!  Or, just walk out the door and let your nose direct you.

The Fun

The Beach I’ll start with the obvious.  We only went to the beach for a couple of hours one day because that’s all we had time for.  You have to drive to the beach- they are not near downtown.  We didn’t go to the most popular beach, Easton Beach, which does have restrooms and a snack bar.  It was after 3pm when we got to the beach, and they still charged us $20 to park (instead of the full $25), which I found ridiculous for that time of day.  To be honest, not my favorite experience.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to just sit with my toes in the sand and a good book, so I enjoyed myself.  But as far as beaches go, meh.  It was covered in seaweed to the point where not even my ocean-loving husband had a desire to go in.  Alas, it was only one of the beaches that Newport has to offer.  Next time, we’ll have to check out a different one.

One end of the Cliff Walk is a beach. Looks harmless enough from here, right?

The Cliff Walk  Prepare yo-selves!  We clearly did not fully comprehend what the cliff walk encompassed before we set out on our journey.  The day we went, we decided we would walk to the cliff walk from the inn; sure, why not?  It was a couple of miles away, but we don’t mind sight-seeing by foot.  Well, it was also at least 90 degrees out and we didn’t bring more than a small bottle of water with us.  Finally, we reached one end of the cliff walk and decided we would walk the whole thing.

Thank God I was smart enough to have worn proper footwear because let me tell you, that cliff walk is NO JOKE!  There are spots where you are basically literally climbing rocks.  On a cliff.  Some parts are established walkways with a railing, but a lot of it is not.  I wouldn’t recommend going when it’s raining, and I definitely would not take kids who are not used to a good hike.  The sights are beautiful and we enjoyed ourselves, but it would have been a lot more enjoyable in cooler weather.  When all was said and done that day, we had walked 11 miles.

(Clearly I must have been too busy watching my footing, because I didn’t stop to take any pictures of the more treacherous parts. But, the cover photo is also part of the Cliff Walk, for reference!)

The Mansions Sometimes I wonder why we love to torture ourselves this way.  We purchased passes to tour five houses, but we only ended up doing two that day because of the time.  I would plan for a good hour and a half in each house to be safe if you’re crunched for time.  Tours start every half hour from what we saw, and they do only allow a certain number of people per tour.  You can make reservations ahead of time; we didn’t.  The good thing is that the passes never expire, so we’ll be able to return for more punishment on a different day.  Why do I say punishment?  Because these homes are achingly beautiful, and we will never have nearly enough money to own one.  It is amazing the ludicrous amounts of money that went into building and upkeeping the homes, which is the main reason why they were donated to the Preservation Society in modern times.   If you enjoy history, architecture, and/or things you can’t have, I definitely recommend the mansion tours.  I’m looking forward to returning during Christmastime; I’ve heard the mansions are a sight to see during the holidays!



Do you know who was married here?




The Town If you love a quaint town, walking around, and enjoying the sights, go to Newport.  We spent a good amount of time every day just walking through the busiest areas, stopping in little shops.  I had an ice latte from a coffee shop, bought some flavored oil and vinegar from a store that specialized in – you guessed it – oil and vinegar, and smelled the sweet, delectable smells wafting out of bakeries and ice cream parlors.




 



There are plenty of (expensive!) boutiques to shop in.  You can walk down on the docks and view the multi-million dollar yachts.  Sit at a bar aside people who own those yachts.  People-watch to your heart’s content.  Listen to live music of all kinds.






Overall, we really enjoyed our stay in Newport, and we look forward to going back someday.

What are your recommendations for a weekend away from the kids?  I’d love to hear your suggestions, no matter where you live!

Book Suggestions

Non-Fiction

Newport Through its Architecture

Gilded Summers

A Guide to Newport’s Cliff Walk

Fiction

Murder at the Breakers

Moonlight Becomes You

Get Inspired Series, Vol. 1: Meet Ben

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Ben Mercedes
New England Wedding Film

We meet at Panera Bread on a Friday afternoon.  Ben walks in and greets me with a smile and a hug.  It’s been a decade since we were acquaintances at best, but we immediately enter into a familiar conversation.  Onlookers must view us as a couple of good, old friends who are catching up.  Having only recently been in contact again, there is certainly plenty to catch up on.  The last time we saw each other, we were in high school and in much different places in our lives than we are now.  We have both since begun our careers and created families of our own.  There’s a familiarity and an ease during what could have been a stilted and awkward exchange.  Ben is personable and articulate and demonstrates a genuine desire to connect with the person he is talking to in more than just a passing way.  He tells me about what he has been up to and our conversation is laced with mention of his beautiful, growing family, his face alight with warmth in talking about them.

            After spending some time sharing details of our lives, we delve into the more specific reason we are meeting up.  When I began this blog, I went against the advice that many give about finding a “niche” and sticking to it.  Blogs are supposed to be more successful when you appeal to a specific, targeted audience.  But I’m not a singular-minded kind of girl, and I don’t really aim to attract singular-minded people, either.  I’m dynamic.  I want to reach people in different ways.  I want to share inspiration where I can and hope that it makes a positive difference in the world.  I quickly find that Ben is very much the same in this way.  A unified vision of inspiration and community brought us to our meeting.  I wanted to tell an inspirational story, and Ben had an inspirational story to tell. 

            During a time when negativity is given more press than positivity, we both want to reach an audience that is younger than us to share the message that you can.  You can dream, you can achieve, you can inspire.  It is a cycle that requires all of us to participate.  Ben and I both attended inner-city schools where we sometimes met folks who did not quite believe in the young people in front of them.  Sometimes people have a difficult time seeing past the poverty and the hardships to the light on the other side that is the future.  I won’t go so far as to say that we were specifically victims of this poverty or this hardship; we both grew up in very stable, loving homes.  But we’ve witnessed discouragement.  We know what it is like to look into the faces of peers who feel that they aren’t enough; to see, perhaps, that they have already given up before they’ve had the chance to begin.  Ben and I both want to share the message that coming from humble means is a starting point, not an end point.  Your roots give you a steady place from which to grow.  And so we said, let’s start here.

M: Tell me about your roots.  What childhood or adolescent experiences – positive or negative – contributed to the path you’ve taken?

B: Growing up, we had family-owned businesses.  I learned early on that I had options- not just college alone.  I would watch my dad being successful, and I realized that college wasn’t the only path I could take.  Entrepreneurship was also one of my options.  I kind of stumbled into videography.  I had a lot of other jobs before entering this field.  I began doing some work with music/audio production, engineering sound for local artists.  At 19, I had a small restaurant with my dad that didn’t end up being successful.  I spent six years in sales.  Eventually my side hustle income was enough to justify me leaving.  I enjoyed the positions I worked in when there was a good culture present, but when it changed, I was ready to leave, so I did.

M: What about negativity?  Was there anything negative that happened that helped shape you?

B: When we were in middle school… high school… there were always opportunities to make poor choices, to do the wrong thing.  I would see my friends or people I know turn to the street life, and I had to make a decision to say that was not for me.  I didn’t get trapped in the trap, and that has made the difference in my life.  That is probably one of the hardest parts about growing up in a tougher neighborhood.  Not all kids are able to say no.

            Being someone who works with kids, I know the truth of this all too well.  Many times, it is easier for them to just go along with their friends rather than stand up against what they know is wrong.  Ben says this very matter-of-factly, ever the humble guy.  I think about the stream of jobs that Ben has listed off to me, and I am a bit in awe at his risk-taking.  I’ve always been the play-it-safe type of girl, but I really admire the fact that when something didn’t work out or didn’t feel like the right fit, he moved on rather than sticking it out just because it was safe.  It takes courage and strength to be able to let go of something familiar in order to seek something that is more fulfilling, but potentially risky.

M: What was the pivotal moment in your life that pushed you to take a leap of faith into the world of videography?

B:  I think it was a series of events that led me to that point.  When I was working with audio, I also did some video within the music.  I did skits similar to what you would see in “>The Wire.  I bought a video camera and shot some music videos.  I then did a Q&A session with my pastor on video.  Finally, it led to me shooting a friend’s wedding in Florida on a whim.  At that point I realized that videography was something I really enjoyed that I could possibly make a career out of.  I started talking with an established business and became their second videographer.  I started to shoot more weddings on the side while I continued my day-job.  I saved six months of expenses, and as the culture worsened at the 9-5, I eventually gave my two-weeks’ notice.  I thought, if I could write a million in business for someone else, what could I do for myself?  I sought out mentors and established relationships with people who had already working in the industry, listened to podcasts, and read books.  The number one thing was being able to ask for help from people who knew more about the subject than I did.

Are you an aspiring entrepreneur yourself? Ben recommends The 10x Rule by Grant Cardone

M: What do you feel your greatest strengths are that have helped to make you so successful?

B: Knowing that I am not the best at what I do.

I laugh.

M: Okay, so I guess we can count modesty as a best quality.

Ben laughs too.

B: No, really though.  I’ll look back at work that I did in the beginning and cringe a bit.  I know that there is always room to grow, I can always be better than I am today.  It’s important to be able to admire others’ work and be inspired by them.  I would say I am ambitious.  I set big goals for myself, work towards them, and I am resolved to reach those goals.  I’m resilient.  In this business – in most businesses – you have to be able to handle rejection.  I’ve had a lot of successes, but I’ve also had a lot of “failures”.  You have to be able to keep moving forward.  I’d also say that I’m good at networking.  People are assets and you need to be able to connect with others to be successful at what you do.

M: Personable as you are and seeing what you’ve already accomplished, that all makes sense!  On the other hand, what challenges or doubts do you still face even though you’ve had some success?

B:  Being an entrepreneur means you’re skipping the fixed, bi-weekly paycheck for a rollercoaster ride, and at times it can be a tad bit scary.  Entrepreneurship has its ups and downs no matter how long you’ve been in business or how successful you may have been so far.  Some days you feel like you’re doing really well, and others you can feel like you are totally failing.  You have to be able to roll with it.  I also feel like art is never really complete.  Year after year I know that I am growing and getting better at my craft, but I’ll look back at some of my older work and criticize it.  I’m always trying to improve by reflecting on the work that I’ve done.

            Ben pulls out his phone and scrolls through his photos to show me a graphic representation of the life of an entrepreneur.  I know that series of high and low feelings all too well; I think we all do!  As he describes his approach to his own work, his passion and dedication is evident.

M:  The life of an artist, right?  You never feel like your work is done; you always want to tweak or change something.  From seeing your work, I certainly think that you have plenty to be proud of, no matter how you feel about the quality later on.  Based on what you’ve learned about your journey so far, what advice do you have to offer young people who may be struggling now, but have the potential to succeed?

            Ben takes a pause here and breathes out, clearly being very thoughtful about what he wants to say before answering my question.  Then, he answers honestly, another testament to the person he has grown to be.

B: Man… I don’t know.  That’s a tough question.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life – the big picture – for a long time.  I would say that young people should follow their interests and find mentors in that area.  Learn from people who have been there before.  Be willing to listen.  There are some things that you have to do when you are in school because that’s part of life and growing up.  But you never know where the different experiences you have will lead you.  It may even lead you to something that you didn’t know you would like, which in turn may lead you to a career.  Going through the motions, so to speak, isn’t a bad thing.  That’s part of the journey too.  Stay busy and be open to trying new things.  I encourage kids to take the vocational school route; get your hands dirty… work with your hands.  Don’t get stuck thinking that there is only one road to follow.

M: Sounds like you had much better advice than you led yourself to believe at the beginning of that answer.  Alright, so we’ve talked about where you’ve been, but how about where you are going?  In ten years from now when we are having this conversation all over again, where do you see yourself?

B:  Ten years?  I have a five-year plan, but ooh…I don’t know about ten years.  Well, so far I’ve expanded my business to doing corporate projects.  Lately I’m working more with business owners on creating video assets that save them time and help them grow their business.  I want to help businesses grow through video.  I see success happening around me: businesses that are pumping life back into Worcester again, the economic boom that I see happening…it’s like the Industrial Revolution 2.0. 

I’ve worked on some small-scale independent short film sets, so maybe I’d like to do more work in that area.  My oldest son is reaching the age where pretty soon I will be able to teach him to participate in business and video.  Potentially I’d like to branch out into real estate and owning/managing properties.  I’m hoping that being thoughtful about my financial situation…making sacrifices today…will translate into creating more success for the future.

M:  You were right about one thing.  You might not have a ten-year plan.  You might have a twenty-year plan with all that you just outlined.  You sure do not give yourself enough credit most of the time.  Looking to the future – and in retrospect – what mistakes did you make that you wouldn’t make again?

B: Again, I think that all of my decisions and experiences led me to where I am today, so I wouldn’t say that I particularly have any regrets.  However, it probably would have helped to have more knowledge about running a business prior to opening my first business.  But I’ve learned to take calculated risks.  You need to know what you can afford to lose in order to make the tough decisions.  Don’t be afraid to lose; you don’t want fear to hold you back from trying something new or taking a risk with something you love.  Do your research before taking the leap, but take the leap.  And again, network and surround yourself with people who can help lift you up.  There’s a quote that I firmly believe in, “A rising tide lifts all the boats.”

            Ben and I conclude our interview with some more small talk.  He is full of quotes, bits of wisdom, and recommendations about books and documentaries, has plenty of advice to offer me about my own business, and makes suggestions about moving forward.  After we leave, he even follows up with some resources that he thinks I should check out. 

            As we grow older and become a part of this seemingly competitive, cut-throat world, we sometimes forget to help each other, to lift each other up.  There has been much talk about having “a village” in regards to raising children, but I staunchly believe that adults need a village of their own.  From the couple of hours that we spent talking, I simply confirmed what I had already suspected: Ben is someone you want as part of your village.  Not only is he talented at what he does, but he also believes in his fellow man (or woman).  He doesn’t just want to succeed; he wants to see others succeed all around him.  This is what we need more of in this world.  This is why if you wanted to be inspired, you read about Ben.

Get to know Ben more by visiting his site and checking out his amazing work!

New England Wedding Film – Official Website

New England Wedding Film – Facebook Page

Follow Ben on Instagram @newenglandweddingfilm

The Lost Girls of Paris

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Lately, I just can’t find enough time to read.

I always end my day with at least 20 minutes of reading in bed, but that isn’t cutting it these days. I either want to get through a book so that I can get to the next book, or I just can’t put the book down because it is so captivating. This read fell into the latter category

The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff was a must-read.

Admittedly, I’m a sucker for historical fiction, more so than the average reader. I’d also be hard pressed to read a book set during World War II that I didn’t love. But some books just catch you more than others, and this was one of them.

I’m endlessly amazed by every story I read about the bravery, perseverance, resilience, and unwavering strength displayed by people who lived through and/or survived the atrocities of World War II. I think I most love reading these stories because I believe it is important to pay tribute to these courageous souls by hearing their stories, or when we are reading works of fiction, at the very least to read stories of what men and women who are unacknowledged specifically in history would have endured.

What’s it about, anyway?

The SOE (Special Operations Executive) was a British WWII organization that employed agents throughout occupied Europe. These agents carried out missions that were pivotal to Allied success, many of them doing so at their own demise.

This story is told from the perspectives of Eleanor, Marie, and Grace alternately over a period of about three years. The story traces the women’s involvement with the SOE in different ways, and highlights the value of these women during a time when women were still trying to earn their place at the table, so to speak. The first narrator stumbles upon a mysterious suitcase, of which she ends up the unintended possessor of its contents. Unable to leave well enough alone, she embarks on an emotional journey to learn the truth of what she has found.

Characters You’ll Love

Eleanor… Eleanor Trigg is a mere secretary working for the SOE until her outspokenness changes the course of her life. She begins a women’s division of agents for whom she is responsible. Eleanor simultaneously attempts to keep “her girls” safe in a dangerous world while also navigating a world that is dictated by men.

Marie… Marie Roux is the embodiment of women who have so much to offer but often hesitate due to a lack of confidence. Marie becomes a part of the SOE unexpectedly and is led down a path a love, loss, and bravery that she never would have imagined for herself.

Grace… Grace Healey finds herself a widow in post-war New York City. She stumbles upon a mystery involving Eleanor and the SOE. Driven by curiosity and her own grief, she attempts to discover what became of all those women who were employed by Eleanor.

Setting

Our three narrators take us on an adventure from New York City, to the British offices of London, to mid and post war-torn France and Germany.

What Kept Me Reading

I love a story told by multiple narrators. I find myself becoming incredibly invested in their stories, thoughts, and feelings. The characters were so well-developed and cliffhangers were so well-placed. I found myself chasing the truth along with Eleanor, Marie, and Grace. I found myself wondering about the real-life women who must have mirrored the characters.

While this is a work of fiction, the author made the following suggestions if you prefer a non-fiction work on the same topic:

A Life in Secrets: Vera Atkins and the Missing Agents of World War Two by Sarah Helm

Spymistress: The True Story of the Greatest Female Secret Agent of World War Two by William Stevenson

I know my own curiosity may require that I learn more about the real secret agents of WWII!

This is 30

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Thirty times around the sun.

It takes a while for that to sink in.  Three decades.  Where did the time suddenly go? 

When you are growing up, older people always talk about how time just passes more and more quickly as you get older.  You roll your eyes every time.  But it doesn’t take long to figure out just how accurate that is.  Childhood seems to last forever while you’re in it, but then you blink and a decade is gone.

And I know what you’re supposed to say when you look back after each passing year.

How lucky I am to live this life.

There are so many people who haven’t reached this number.

What a beautiful life I have….I am so thankful…

And all of that is 100% true.  I firmly believe it and know that I am incredibly fortunate.

But in knowing how incredibly fortunate you are, there is also loss.  Because those thirty (or however many) years are gone and you will never get them back.  And I believe that only the most fortunate people are able to feel those years slide by with such a heaviness that it aches.

If I hadn’t had a crazily beautiful life thus far, would I be sad that those years were behind me?  Of course not!  If I wasn’t so incredibly fortunate and thankful, I would be glad that they were behind me and would only care to look forward.  But having so many memories that I can look back on with a lamentation of love is a good thing.  It’s okay to feel something other than grateful.  It’s okay feel whatever it is you feel because that is a part of this life that we are so lucky to have.

So, I feel sad about turning 30.  Not crawl-in-bed, drown-myself-in-sorrow sad.  But nostalgic-sad.  The carefree years of childhood are gone.  The coming-into-adulthood years are gone.  The free-to-make-silly-mistakes twenties are gone.  And all of those years were full of memories that are deeply rooted in my very soul.  I’m going to miss them and I feel a bit resentful about now being a “real” adult.

When you’re reaching a milestone like this and looking back on your life, it’s easy to focus on all of the things that you didn’t do or didn’t do enough.  I wish that I had done more traveling.  I wish that I had maybe made some different financial decisions.  I wish that I had embraced experiences while I had the freedom to do so.  I wish I had been a bit less lazy.  I wish I had written more when I had the time.  Hindsight is 20-20, as they say.

But then I think about the other side of the decisions I made.  I’ve traveled to 11 countries outside of the U.S.  I paid off my student loans quickly and bought a beautiful home.  Embraced experiences?  Let’s be real.  I was an old woman at an early age.  I was happy to be home early on a Friday night by the time I was probably 24.  Who am I kidding to think I would have chosen any differently, given what I know now?  I self-published two books.  Sure, I probably should have had the patience to try the traditional route.  But maybe that never would have gone anywhere either and no one would have read my stories.

Mourning my youth has actually been beneficial after all.  Because you know what I realized?  I do miss the girl I was and the stages that she went through.  That’s only natural; that girl will always be a part of me.  But she isn’t who I am anymore.  I’d like to believe that I’m stronger and wiser than she was, in a way that only growing older can determine.

But I still get to carry her with me.

Say it louder for the ladies in the back!

Childhood is gone, but I get to relive it through the eyes of my son.  I still get to play as much as I want.  You want to shoot hoops?  I’m down.  You like to color?  So do I.  You want to splash in a water park?  Let’s do it!  There will always be a little kid inside of me sporting a Kool-aid mustache who will play board games for hours on end.

When it comes down to it, does anyone really miss their teenage years?  In reality, no, I don’t want to go back to not being able to drive myself anywhere and having to get to school for 7:10 every day.  I don’t want to deal with all of the awkwardness and the learning who you are again.  I might still be trying to figure it out, but I sure don’t want to have to start all over.

I think right now my twenties are what are most raw.  I had the freedom, I had the fun.  I had the free time with the friends who also had the free time.  Leaving the house wasn’t a thirty-minute project.  But now I suppose we are all in the same boat.  While I’ll miss the late nights in theory, I won’t miss the hangovers.  Our get togethers might now be full of little people running around, and maybe there aren’t as many people drinking beer out of their shoe anymore.  But now we’ll get to sit around and reminisce about those good times while we dole out juice boxes.

Remember the days when you could sleep until, oh, whatever time you wanted?  Yeah, neither do I.  They did exist somewhere back there in history.  But you know what?  This morning I woke up to the sounds of baby babbles and I smiled as I rolled over to look at the monitor.  And I practically bounded out of bed because there is nothing better than the look and squeal of excitement on my boy’s face when he sees me first thing in the morning.  And maybe now my body is more squishy in places I’d rather it wasn’t due to eating cheese in excess and the whole growing a human thing.  But somewhere out there is a very toned, dairy-allergic woman who can’t have children, and I know she’d take my squish in a heartbeat.

This is what makes a bittersweet day.  I feel like I’ve passed the marker of true youth and that’s a difficult pill to swallow.  Being the young one is all you know until you’re not.  But I’ve also come to realize that I think a certain amount of pressure has been lifted.  I’ve done the work thing, the marriage thing, the baby thing.  The expectations that so many people feel stressed to meet in their twenties are all checked boxes for me.

And hey, I have a reason to look tired now, amiright?

There’s a certain level of understanding about why your hair is perpetually thrown on top of your head in a bun. 

I now know it’s a good thing I never bought stock in Tito’s, but I am considering a stock purchase in the coffee industry.

Baby lunch stains on my shirt in public?  You know what, I showered today, so there’s that.

This isn’t 2AM singing along to music at the top of my lungs in a friend’s car on the way home.  This isn’t spending two hours on hair and makeup getting ready to go out for the night.  This isn’t sleeping until noon simply because I can…or because I didn’t get to bed until well after 3.

This is a baby arm slung around my neck for morning snuggles.  This is letting sticky fingers pull my face in for a kiss.  This is waking up ten times a night to rock to sleep, murmuring quiet lullabies.  This is the new beautiful reality that I get to call my very own.  This is to the next thirty years, that I may be able to look back on these moments when I’m 60 with an even greater nostalgia than I did today.

This is 30.